Mixed Feelings, but Very Excited

It is the night before we embark on our journey throughout haiti. I have various feelings about the upcoming trip. I just got off of the phone with my mother who is very nervous for me and I think she is part of the reason I am so nervous. She did a lot of research on haiti which I appreciate because it shows how much she cares. I am the first person in my family to travel to a developing country and staying outside of a resort so this is new to her. In addition to her making me somewhat nervous, I am also nervous about fitting into the American stereotype of development and knowledge tourism. Even though I am unable to directly communicate with the local people, I hope they understand we are not here to take pictures of them and tell them what to do and what they did wrong. I think I will be able to learn so much from this experience more so than I will have an impact on others there for the most part. Aside from my nerves I am extremely excited to explore and experience haiti. I have already learned so much from pre trip training sessions, my leaders, and required readings, it will be interesting to see the pressing issues and themes in real life. I have learned a lot about public health issues and development, but only through the standard classroom setting. I am eager to learn about public health and development issues in the field. Lastly, I am grateful for this amazing opportunity. I can't wait for tomorrow! 

Excited for Haiti

For the last few weeks, I have become super excited to travel to Haiti. It still hasn’t set in that by tomorrow, we’ll be in a completely different country. Another thing I’ve began to take notice of is the cost of healthcare. Growing up, I never really paid attention to it since not many kids think of the fee for doctor’s visits. Medicine never seemed to be a luxury, but rather a necessity. The older I get, the more I realize how financially stable I am and how blinding that can be.

            As a college student, I receive money from my parents every two weeks. These finances go towards food, travelling, etc. In the last day,  I have had to figure out how and where to get vaccinations. First, I went to the school center and got one shot done. That whole process cost $110. Then I went to Walgreens and got another shot, which cost $90. By the end of the day, I had $2.74 left in my bank account. Though it was daunting to me at the time, I know my parents will fill up my account again and my healthcare provider will reimburse me. I am fully aware of this and supported.

            Today, I thought to myself, what about students who can’t afford these lucrative shots? One shot costs twenty hours of work at minimum wage in the District of Columbia. But then I analyzed it even more… What about people in Haiti? A place where the public health system is completely different from the United States and not many have the same access that we do, such as to over the counter drugs. I think it’s one thing to read about this disparity, but it’s another to actually see it. I am excited to venture to Haiti, have my perceptions challenged, and to better understand how other people of the world are living and what needs to change.

Haiti or love it

With dry mouth and a headache, I snack on Karmen's easter colored M&M's. Around 4 pm I finished my last midterm of the week and finally entered Haiti mode. It then hit me that I needed to ride the metro to downtown to return some clothes, hop back on the metro to DuPont Circle to meet my uncle for dinner, go back to my neighborhood and hit up CVS, go home and start packing AND make it to AU intake to catch our ride at 2 am. Uh oh. Well I managed to get all of the above done with time to spare but now it's time to hit the road. The excitement hit me like a crashing wave as I got in the car to head the campus. I have no idea what to expect but I couldn't be more excited. I can't wait to touch down in the warm weather and finally be in the Caribbean. Haiti or love it, here we come.

Haiti - Excitement

In less than twenty four hours I will be two thousand miles away to a country where I don't know any creole. But I'm extremely happy to be going with a community of passionate, considerate, intelligent students, where we all in some way will grow. I am excited to see all our growth and knowledge expand in experiencing Haiti for the first time. Although, it is overwhelming in the preparation for the trip to Haiti, I am extremely excited to learn about Haiti. Through Haiti I want to look in depth at the public health infrastructure and micro-credit system. It's extremely exciting in that I will be able to learn through a first hand experience about Haiti.

Bye United States! See you in one week!

Expectations!!

The anticipation has been growing for 8 months now! The snowstorm yesterday made me slightly nervous; I still needed to grab a few items and also didn’t think we would be able to fly out of here!  I was definitely going to cry if we weren’t able to go after all the training and planning everyone has gone through in order to ensure a successful trip! I honestly can’t believe the trip is here. We’ve been preparing so long and finally get to go! I am confident that all our students will haves n awesome time (as will Jen & I) and also be able to bring in contextual knowledge from our pre-tip trainings to what they see and experience in Haiti. It seems as though everything is in our favor going to Haiti and I can rest easy and enjoy! I’m prepared for a successful trip full of engagement and knowledge sharing.

Subtle Changes

When I informed friends and family that I would be going on an alternative break trip to Haiti, they could not believe it. A lot of them swore that I would come back a different person. 

Today I can announce that those people were somewhat right. I did not become someone who was extremely eco-friendly or obsessed with reducing my carbon footprint. This trip did teach me more about the effects hat my lifestyle has on other countries. It also changed my perspective on what the word help means.

So it is not me who changed per say, but rather my outlook. This shift in my outlook will lead to other changed in my life such as using less electricity or being more environmentally friendly in general.  

Describing the indescribable

Statue of Neg Mawon - Credit: Sarah Palazzolo

It's hard to believe that a mere 48 hours has passed since I was in Haiti.

The transition between that country and my own has been surreal, to say the least. To abruptly go from such a powerful emotional and social experience back to the regular routines of daily life was a little harder than I anticipated. I was only partially present as I sat through my classes, caught up with friends and went through the other motions of a typical Tuesday. Part of me was still in Haiti.

I've been struggling with the best way to put the experience into words. At first I was hesitant to try, because I know that no matter how eloquently I describe it I still won't be doing it justice. But I come from a family of writers and I've been taught that the best way to process and understand something is to write it out. So here's my best shot.

I thought I understood what poverty looked like. I thought I understood global systems of oppression, social inequality, and the consequences of broken government structures. These things have been clearly articulated to me in my college and high school classes and as a student at a liberal university with a school that's literally named for international service, I know theories about international development better than my own alma mater. I have been challenged several times throughout my academic experience to uncover and accept the inherent privileges that my skin tone, socio-economic status and nationality have allowed me.

But nothing impacted my conception of these issues the way this experience did. To actually see the things I had only ever read about or discussed in class - to actively observe and question and reflect - profoundly challenged and changed my perspective.

I was struck by how lucky I am for the opportunities I've been afforded, how grateful I should be for the life I've led. Spending a few days with a hole in the ground as my only bathroom has made me inordinately excited about flushing toilets and indoor plumbing. Hearing one man's nightmare story about a painful ambulance ride down a mountain with no paved roads has made me feel foolish for ever having complained about a bi-annual doctor's check-up. Learning about the incredible obstacles that stand in the way of Haitian youth and a good education and the hard work and ingenuity of those individuals who have managed to get theirs has doubled my appreciation for the education I was given. It's inspired me to someday use it as a means by which to combat the institutions that have created such unfairness.

At the end of my time in Haiti, I was exhausted. I had been challenged physically, emotionally and intellectually. But I was also invigorated. I am in awe of the individuals I met there. I am excited by the successes of the grassroots organizations we partnered with, which I have now seen with my own eyes. I am outraged by the blatant disparity, by the UN workers who patrol peaceful towns in armored vehicles, and by every bag of rice or sugar - two of Haiti's staple crops that should be produced and sold by them - stamped with the logo "Made in the USA". And I am touched and moved by the strength, intelligence, kindness, rebelliousness and hospitality of the people.

Haiti can break your heart and make it swell with happiness within the same moment. It makes you want to turn your head and look away and it makes you stare in rapture. It cannot be condensed to fit neatly into a New York Times op-ed. Images and footage of it looks good on television, but it doesn't show you very much at all. The history and theory I've learned in my classes don't come close to explaining it, no matter how convincing the professor made it sound at the time. And if Pulitzer Prize winners, famous news anchors and academic scholars don't get it right, I'm not sure if I'll do much better. All I can say for certain is that Haiti is a country that gets its hooks into you, whether you want it to or not. And it filled me with hope - even though most of the narratives told about it suggested that hope was the last thing I would find.

I came to Haiti searching for a way that I could help. But now I don't think help is really what Haiti needs, at least in the way help has traditionally been understood. Instead, I think Haiti needs understanding. It needs a new narrative. As one of our hosts told us on the day before our departure, my peers and I were given the chance to see that the "myth of Haiti" is not true. She thanked us for coming to search for what was. And when I asked, perhaps naively, what we were supposed to do with that knowledge, she suggested that we take our experience as a reminder to question our concepts of different people and places, especially those that are depicted badly - and that the next time we face certain stereotypes, we remember Haiti.

I don't think that Haiti is done with me yet. But for now, I'm going to try to live by those parting words. And I hope that from here on out, no matter what misconceptions I'm tempted to fall under, I will always remember Haiti.