Describing the indescribable

Statue of Neg Mawon - Credit: Sarah Palazzolo

It's hard to believe that a mere 48 hours has passed since I was in Haiti.

The transition between that country and my own has been surreal, to say the least. To abruptly go from such a powerful emotional and social experience back to the regular routines of daily life was a little harder than I anticipated. I was only partially present as I sat through my classes, caught up with friends and went through the other motions of a typical Tuesday. Part of me was still in Haiti.

I've been struggling with the best way to put the experience into words. At first I was hesitant to try, because I know that no matter how eloquently I describe it I still won't be doing it justice. But I come from a family of writers and I've been taught that the best way to process and understand something is to write it out. So here's my best shot.

I thought I understood what poverty looked like. I thought I understood global systems of oppression, social inequality, and the consequences of broken government structures. These things have been clearly articulated to me in my college and high school classes and as a student at a liberal university with a school that's literally named for international service, I know theories about international development better than my own alma mater. I have been challenged several times throughout my academic experience to uncover and accept the inherent privileges that my skin tone, socio-economic status and nationality have allowed me.

But nothing impacted my conception of these issues the way this experience did. To actually see the things I had only ever read about or discussed in class - to actively observe and question and reflect - profoundly challenged and changed my perspective.

I was struck by how lucky I am for the opportunities I've been afforded, how grateful I should be for the life I've led. Spending a few days with a hole in the ground as my only bathroom has made me inordinately excited about flushing toilets and indoor plumbing. Hearing one man's nightmare story about a painful ambulance ride down a mountain with no paved roads has made me feel foolish for ever having complained about a bi-annual doctor's check-up. Learning about the incredible obstacles that stand in the way of Haitian youth and a good education and the hard work and ingenuity of those individuals who have managed to get theirs has doubled my appreciation for the education I was given. It's inspired me to someday use it as a means by which to combat the institutions that have created such unfairness.

At the end of my time in Haiti, I was exhausted. I had been challenged physically, emotionally and intellectually. But I was also invigorated. I am in awe of the individuals I met there. I am excited by the successes of the grassroots organizations we partnered with, which I have now seen with my own eyes. I am outraged by the blatant disparity, by the UN workers who patrol peaceful towns in armored vehicles, and by every bag of rice or sugar - two of Haiti's staple crops that should be produced and sold by them - stamped with the logo "Made in the USA". And I am touched and moved by the strength, intelligence, kindness, rebelliousness and hospitality of the people.

Haiti can break your heart and make it swell with happiness within the same moment. It makes you want to turn your head and look away and it makes you stare in rapture. It cannot be condensed to fit neatly into a New York Times op-ed. Images and footage of it looks good on television, but it doesn't show you very much at all. The history and theory I've learned in my classes don't come close to explaining it, no matter how convincing the professor made it sound at the time. And if Pulitzer Prize winners, famous news anchors and academic scholars don't get it right, I'm not sure if I'll do much better. All I can say for certain is that Haiti is a country that gets its hooks into you, whether you want it to or not. And it filled me with hope - even though most of the narratives told about it suggested that hope was the last thing I would find.

I came to Haiti searching for a way that I could help. But now I don't think help is really what Haiti needs, at least in the way help has traditionally been understood. Instead, I think Haiti needs understanding. It needs a new narrative. As one of our hosts told us on the day before our departure, my peers and I were given the chance to see that the "myth of Haiti" is not true. She thanked us for coming to search for what was. And when I asked, perhaps naively, what we were supposed to do with that knowledge, she suggested that we take our experience as a reminder to question our concepts of different people and places, especially those that are depicted badly - and that the next time we face certain stereotypes, we remember Haiti.

I don't think that Haiti is done with me yet. But for now, I'm going to try to live by those parting words. And I hope that from here on out, no matter what misconceptions I'm tempted to fall under, I will always remember Haiti.

"Fatal Assistance" makes U.S. revaluate

One day before our departure and Haiti has been on my mind for the last two weeks. The new sights, people and culture will be rewarding, but the most important part will be learning about the every-day lives of the Haitian people. Haiti has not lost its international appeal since the 2010 earthquake, but we are learning more and more everyday about the truth of the relief effort; its success and setbacks.

Haitian filmmaker Raoul Peck’s new film “Fatal Assistance” provides a look into the international aid efforts, highlighting areas of needed improvement. This film has been reviewed positively by the Huffington Post and New York Times, praising the director’s perspective and new insights on the international aid efforts. Peck received an international welcoming and recognition for his film which debuted last year in February at the Berlin film festival. This contrasting perspective builds upon the the experiences and critiques of Jonathan Katz in his book The Big Truck That Went By.

I think that Katz would agree with Peck, they both point out that international aid in Haiti had good intentions, but billions of promised dollars later Haiti is not reaping in the results such investment is expected to provide. Little of the pledges even made it to Haiti, and the method used to put aid plans into action involved little say from the people of Haiti. Organizations, governments and international corporations across the world pledged help, making it a hotspot for humanitarian celebrities including Sean Penn, Bill Clinton, and Angelina Jolie among others. Not to mention the volunteers, journalists and religious groups. We have come to learn that though they made personal sacrifices, not much of their hopes for Haiti came into fruition.

Katz called Haiti a Republic of NGOs because of the number of  nongovernmental organizations working in Haiti pre and post 2010 earthquake. However, little efforts have been made to see that the people have a say in their own futures. How can a country rebuild if the people of that country are not a part of the rebuilding effort? What is needed is the involvement of the Haitian government, community leaders and people in steering the destiny of their own country. The way to turn a bleak political situation into a movement of empowerment for citizens is through participation. This is one of the reasons why I am excited to be working with the Association of the Peasants of Fondwa, where Haitians make the decisions and difference.   

Haiti has remained a victim of our prejudice, and continues to be. The international community has miscalculated and misused their funds and power to push an assumed agenda. Four years after the disaster, and slowly Haiti is crawling back up to its feet. Newspapers continue to run editorials, the United Nations continue to file new action plans, again new promises are made, but we have already seen the results of promises. So why go to Haiti now?

A group of ten volunteers - students and staff from American University - on a mission to learn from those that know best, the people of Haiti. Though our efforts during our eight day trip will not be as extensive as we all wish, it will provide us a starting point that can only grow in the direction of increased awareness and activism. During our trip we will ask ourselves; how can we redirect our focus and that of our peers back to Haiti in a manner that will empower the local population and lead towards stable and sustainable growth?  Hopefully we will have an answer upon our return.

Link to video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGPbqO5ocrE

Haiti 2014

Less than a week left till the group and I leave for Haiti. We are all super excited and ready! For the past few months, we have spent our Saturdays learning about the issues surrounding the theme of our trip, Microfinance, Healthcare, & Women as Agents of Development. We have talked about things ranging from the role of international aid agencies in countries, such as Haiti, to understanding our own personal privileges.  I believe that we have come to a consensus that this trip will not make us suddenly humanitarians, but rather it is a step in the direction of allowing us to become active global citizens. From this trip, personally I hope to build connections with some of the individuals we will meet and from there provide assistance in any way I can once we are back in the states.

During the trip, we hope to avoid becoming voluntourist during our trip and focus on learning more about the different topics we talked about during our pre-trip trainings. By physically being in Haiti, we will be able to put the different things we have learned from the readings we have done, specifically Jonathon Katz’s book entitled, The Big Truck That Went By: How the World Came to Save Haiti and Left behind a Disaster, the presentations of our peers, and the conversation fostered around the issues of our theme into a tangible form by interacting with the very people we have been learning about. Upon our return, I hope to continue the relationships we build and become proxies for change in Haiti.